Drug Addiction " Part 2 "

Colicchie You know To give a testimony first you have to survive the test I'm feeling like I'm dying from these drugs that I enjected I can go in either arm left or right I'm emprdectous My soul is desolate, my spirit is defected I keep making wrong decisions that will never get corrected I'm doing what I have to never cared about the wreckage I keep chasing this high but I can never seem to catch it I told you my story, now let me go a little deeper I was dealing with a chemical deadlier then ether I never showed respect living on the verge of death Cause this herion will kill me smell the murder on its breath I'm walking on this tight rope as I'm watching every step Now I'm living on the run I never sleep, I never rest I'm having trouble breathing from the pressure on my chest This anxiety is killing me, suffocating from stress The residence I'm stay at is filthy and it's a mess but I can't leave til this bag is gone and theres nothing left So I'm stuck feeling empty and suicidal thoughts are present The enhance of my depression wants me dead without a question The shit is in my blood my whole family suffers My sisters getting high with me wer smokin like a muffler My mothers an alcoholic the addiction is intense My father left in 84 and we haven't seen him since He chose drugs over us and yea I get it its impossible to stop So now there crimes that I'm committin I vomit in the sink every morning I am broke The completion on my skin is gray looking like a ghost I'll guess I'll take his money him and I was never close I was suppose to buy crack but somebody sold me soap I never paid for nothing as I'm headed towards the door You can try and come and catch me as I'm running out the store All I want is drugs all I ever needed is more Me and my sister passed the needle back and forth Blood is dripping off both my arms and now its falling onto the floor We manipulate the lighter watch that flame hit the chore Shes pushing on the stem I tried to wait my turn Every pair of pants i got is covered in cigarette burns I'm living a life style every cridatly acclaimed My arms are black and blue as I try to hit another vein Its gunna take an hour, why? Every vien is collapsed Should I clean it out with bleach? I dont even have to ask The answers no, let it go, it's set in stone You see I'm merried to the needle, never touching methadone My moods are unpredictable my actions are arradic And this spike is in my arm and I'm gunna die as a using addict I'm drinking alcohol and til I fall apart As the room is spinning slowly to the toilet as I crawl Let's pour another drink then its after shot, after shot After shot, after shot though It's just to drawn my thoughts Everything is blurry I can never read the manuscript Everything I'm doin every decision is cancerous I would crash i could never find the landing strip Ecstasy and mushrooms together I use to candy flip That was back when these drugs they were fun and Now I'm madicole to misery a monster I've become Heroins my guard I follow orders that are strict You see I'm just a crew member and it's the captain of the ship The stems I call it off try to use a damn rag I'm feeling so alone as I'm pouring out these stamp begs I'm pulling on the belt until every vein is visible Everyday I'm overwhelmed stressed living miserable The drug game I'm always losing like I'm gamblin I see she isnt breathing so I call another ambulance Well lost souls no god no type of management Everyday is death and crime I cant fucking handle this I'm blowin out the smoke as Im peaking past the curtains Now my house is surrounded I see the shadows and now I'm nervous yea There coming to get me. Ok maybe I'm just paranoid Now everyone be quite silence til I hear another noise Feeling the void I'm truly losing my mind I'm using my license when I'm chopping out these lines Trying to stay alive is how I really spend my time I'm covered in guilt and shame Let me tell you about a friend of mine She sold her soul, sold her body, she sold everything She sold her house, car she even sold her wedding ring Shes starting to get sick and shes turning to another trick She dont want to live this way sucking dick for another hit Look, you think it's funny, put yourself in her shoes And imagine what it's like to have no option to choose And wer so quick to judge another What if this song was about your mother Do you think you'd understand and still love her All I do is lie, and i never tell the truth My neighbors see I'm sick so I tell them I got the flu I rented out my car needed to get high my Dealer has my vehicle I see him driving by These track Mark's I've had them since I was younger I'm wearing long sleeves in the middle of the summer The paramedics took my needle, spoon and both bundles Why are you hitting me with narcan? You are interrupting my slumber I turn to my father, I'm hated this isnt me I'm suppose to serve a purpose while I'm living out my dreams I turn to my father, I'm nauseous sick to my stomach Chaotic or narcotics this isnt the life I wanted I turn to my father, I'm the devil in the flesh I never have confidence as I'm settling for less I turn to my father, and i hate what I've become. so now I wanna end my life in search of a loaded gun I'm feeling lost and broken all I ever do is hurt My mother is in the other room and I'm taking money out of her purse I try and mask the pain but it only made it worse When I finally hit a point to where the drugs no longer working I'm killing myself slowly and I just wanna feel some freedom My thoughts are paralyzed as I'm battling these demons I use to tell myself that id be better off dead I stopped listening to the voices that are inside of my head I wanna change I need to be a son to my mother, and a brother to my sister Look, I'm tired of this struggle My obsession has been lifted but the Structure that I crave but I'm doing what it takes so I dont see an early grave I thank God I hit the bottom and now he carrys me I didn't want my mother and sister to have to bury me I've fallen many times finally got My life together cause I kept trying Never quit through never failed never Now a days these parents there burying there kids there Dying younger and younger and they never get a chance to live I'm trying to show the world hope regardless of what I did And that's truly why I do this, and it gets everything I give I had multiple years clean twice but then I lost It, but now my daily mayhem suffocated and caution I tred softly, no traditions violations Look I use to be a loser, and now my lifes truly amazing I try to be of survice you can find that in our symbol I used to be shakey, but now I'm steady like a kimbol I put my hands together every night to pray As I'm smoking and Slowly drinking coffee relaxing with Jimmy k I had to write a sequel do it for our people We all have our own issues but understand that we're equal Theres many days I wanna give up and use As my misery that I've done it's nothing new Now I'm staring at my daughter and she's the alter of my mood She's the underline force in everything I ever do My daughter is my everything and that'll never change I can't wait til shes old enough and sees what I've became I love my daughter but she wont keep me clean See the drugs are just a symptom and now I'm fighting to be free I try to separate all my wants and my needs I'm working on myself and I learned acceptance is the key Through it all I try and spread a positive message I'm dedicated to death with every breath I invested I'm constantly pushing I got this fire in my eyes Listen, all my dead friends is what's giving my drive I tried to play my part but could always be doing more There callin it a battle, i call it a losing war We gotta come together my experiences will You can not identify with what I did relate to how I feel A pedistole is needed, I am very far from gifted We all felt the same pain but our stories might be different With any brush and paint we all paint a picture of a different Image but the message doesn't have a meaning unless I live it I have defined the odds where miracles is living proof I'm alive to tell my story and I'm sharing it with you Its gods grace and mercy is the reason I'm still alive I'm watching friends use and it is killing me inside To anyone thats trying to change there life your my idol Life will have its ups and downs but I'm no longer sudicile Now a days these artists they just glorify drugs and See I'm trying to do it differently and glorify the love And you can judge me but I'm proud of my Accomplishments my name is chas smith and I refuse to be anonymous I use to dream a living and now I'm living my dreams No matter what it takes my goal is die clean. Die Clean No matter what it takes my goal is die clean. Die Clean No matter what it takes my goal is die clean. Die Clean No matter what it takes my goal is die clean. Die Clean No matter what it takes my goal is die clean. Die Clean