House Party 2

As he sidled over to her with a glass of red in hand She prepared herself for all the usual lines "Have you ever been aboard a yacht? Do you know I'm in a band?" Drop 'em blossom's sure moved with the times She said, "Let me guess about you, let me read your palms Maybe take a look inside your head" "Yes, I could've been a singer, yes, I had the songs" "But they signed some other shitty group instead" So please don't say you're in a band or tell me about your yacht I certainly don't require a guided tour I'm a woman in her 40s who's been right round the block It's likely that I've heard your tale before I hear you've kept a pair of boxer shorts From all your previous dates You know that, to a stranger, that sounds mad But I don't want you to leave here and go telling all your mates See, I've just two pairs and one of them's your dad's And she caught her mate's attention as he walked off in disgust Held her glass up high, proposed a toast When every fella here at party fills you with mistrust Let's raise a cheer to those we pissed off most So please don't say you're in a band or tell me about your yacht I certainly don't require a guided tour I'm a woman in her 40s who's been right round the block It's likely that I've heard your tale before Yes, I went to school with Rooney, yes, I played in same school team Yes, I played defense with him up front And I bet you got some injury that put paid to all your dreams Never that you kicked it like a cunt I took her hand, took her outside and flashed my Tippex teeth And pointed out that this was all fields once She calmed herself, pulled in her chest, and a decibel beneath Said, "Everywhere was all fields once, you ponce!" Everywhere was beautiful before your plastic smile Came and sold our land off to the banks Now the green belt of London's down to the very last square mile And it's cunts like you the nation's got to thank So please don't say you're in a band or tell me about your yacht I certainly don't require a guided tour I'm a woman in her 40s who's been right round the block It's likely that I've heard your tale before