MacFarlane O' the Sprots O' Burnieboozie

Afore that I'd be terraneezed as I this file hae been I'd raither rin' frae here tae Birse wi' peez in bath ma sheen I'd raither dee for want O' breath than pine for want O' love And it's a' because McFarlane merrit Sousie Sousie's Kankert faither wi' mine could niver gree And aye fan I'd gae ower that gait he'd set his dog at me So I sent ma freen McFarlane doon to see fit he could dee McFarlane O' the Sprots O' Burnieboozie I dinna like McFarlane, I'm safe enough tae state His lug wad cast a shadow ower a sax-fit gate He's soft as ony goblin and slippery as a skate McFarlane O' the Sprots O Burnieboozie McFarlane spak nae wird fo me but plenty for himsel' He reesed the lassie's baurley scones, her kebbicks and her kail Her faither cried oot Sprotie man, ye should try your luck yersel' Tae McFarlane O' the Sprots O' Burnieboozie Though McFarlane is the grimmest chiel for twenty miles aroon Though they buy his fottygraph tae fleg the rottens frae a toon He kittled up his spunk at this and spiered gin she'd come doon And be Mistress O' the Sprots O' Burnieboozie I dinna like McFarlane I tell ye it's a fact He's a nose for splitting hailsteans an a humty back He's legs like Cutterperca ilka his knees ge' knack McFarlane O' the Sprots O' Burnieboozie Oh a dire O' the teethache's nae particularly sweet Bit love's the only power on earth that iver gart me greet It's like kittlie chilblains roon yer heart instead O' roon yer feet They were aggravated wi' the sicht O' Sousie Noo freens and kind philosophers, ye've heard what me befell Or I'll bet my hinmost sarkit ye're a day ahint the markit As fan I sent Jock McFarlane roon for Sousie I dinna like McFarlane, it's affa' bit it's true A pewter speen wis tint in Jock McFarlane moo He couldnae weel be grimmer, sups his brose wi' the skimmer McFarlane O' the Sprots O' Burnieboozie Words G. Bruce Thomson