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Somewhere deep in the slow, eternal depths of the heavens Drifts a planet called simply "Earth" And among the otherwise unremarkable population of this planet are two incredible heroes Destined to save the future from itself Hey Ninja Brian, I made a time machine spaceship. You wanna go on it? Yeah, okay, cool Soaring through the galaxy, the stars and sky align The speed of light's for pussies, we're going at the speed of Brian Flying towards the sexual peak of history and time Computer, set a sexy course for the sexiest year, ugh Sixty-nine Sixty-nine (Sixty-nine) I've got my space suit (Sixty-nine) And ninety pounds of space lube Crossing through into a fuckin worm hole beyond the Milky Way That shit's far To a time of Earth so far in the future where everyone gets laid Twice as hard The noble knights of honor on a fierce and sultry butt crusade Here we are Open the bay doors and let's live the dream Give the world a double team I bet it's a billion person orgy in an ocean of whipped cream Wait. This place isn't sexy at all And this robot sign says human touch has been outlawed I can't believe my eyes, but it's a world without sex Everyone here just wears full length pants and loose fitting turtlenecks Men and women wave to each other from a respectable distance Without the thrill of boning, what is life? We must speak to the Council of Dick Elders tonight Excuse me, Dick Elders? What do you want? I know it's most unusual to come before you so But the planet Earth sucks balls now that no one's allowed to bone We've come from the past to introduce you to ass Wait, you're Ninja Sex Party, you will ruin our plans Guards! Sound the alarms! If people have sex, they'll break a thousand-year spell There'll be a revolution and they'll think for themselves We control this planet and unsatisfied wood Why does being evil always feel so damn good Fuck that bullshit, we'll make it right Get ready for a sexy fight My dick's the spark of hope and a revolution shall ignite Tonight! (Hey) We're taking flight, we have to find a girl Shoot the fucking lasers Shoot the fucking lasers at 'em Show them what it means to love and fix this broken world All the fuckin lasers All the fuckin lasers at 'em The new sex king will rule Let the boner banners be unfurled Ninja Brian, look at that girl with the sad eyes and the beautiful blonde hair I'm immediately in love (Sixty-nine) She's spent a life all alone (Sixty-nine) Wanna take her to the bone zone (Sixty-nine) Make her feel the pleasure (Sixty-nine) Of a moaning treasure I can't belive my eyes But you're the girl of my dreams Let's both tear all of our clothes off like two pants hating Wolverines The love we make will save the Earth from this oppressive dick regime (Oh woah woah) We're having sex now (Oh woah woah) To change the world (Woo!) (Oh woah woah) You brought your friends now (Oh woah woah) Oh, shit, they're girls I think it's obvious that people liked our sexy show A multi-billion person orgy has broken out all across the globe The human race, much like my junk, will now be free to grow Let's go (Oh, woah, woah) But what about the Elders? (Oh, woah, woah) We tore their world to shreds (Oh, woah, woah) Maybe they'll be cool with it (Oh, woah, woah) Oh hey, Dick Elders. How's it goin'? You two are fucking dead So much for that, it's time to put on pants And run away from their Death Army which is starting to advance Shoot the fucking lasers Waves of fuckin' lasers at 'em We can't die, we're way too young And there's so many girls to bone Shoot the fucking lasers Wave of fuckin' lasers at 'em But now we're cornered with our backs against the wall! It's over, Danny Sexbang, your time has come But first, we're gonna take care of your ninja friend here Aaah Goddamn, Brian, you killed them all Now the empire will fall I have to say, in retrospect, that was easier than I thought Oh Yeah! Our work here's done, the future is secure But my girl and I have one last farewell slam just to be sure For underneath those rockin' boobs lies a heart that is so pure Take care of this world for me, my darling, I will always love you What is your name by the way? (Ooooh) Kristen? (Ooooh) Ah, a beautiful name (Ooooh) Well, until that glorious day when we meet again, Katie, farewell Now let us fly into the night sky And we'll raise a glass to ass and a final goodbye to sixty-nine Sixty-nine Sixty-nine Sixty-nine (Sixty-nine) Let us be gone (Sixty-nine) Our quest is life-long (Sixty-nine) It's a sexy destiny, so let's rock the fuck on Sixty-nine (Sixty-nine) Fuck, yeah Fuck, yeah