My Wake up Call

You cannot imagine the pain I felt I am here today to testify to you That, if I never went to God for this I would still be wondering What this whole thing I went through in my marriage was all about Then, I met a Christian friend of mine Who explained to me That nothing in our lives happens by accident But God knows everything that's going on And there was purpose to all that I was going through Because in the Bible, God says I know the plans I have for you Plans to prosper you and not to harm you Plans to give you a hope and a future My pain was part of God's plan for me It was through that difficult time That opened my eyes to a lot of things Without experiencing those desperate moments It would not have made me look to God for answers For years, I struggled with questions I couldn't answer I went to friends for help, but I didn't get the right advices But the Lord allowed this pain to happen Because this, I believe, was the best way for God to get my attention Let me tell a little story When worship music became suddenly so powerful to me If you saw me the first time I attended service You would have given me a bucket for my tears Can you imagine Kuh Ledesma sobbing in church? I kept thinking to myself, "Now they know I've got a huge problem" But the great thing was that no one was taking notice of me Well, there was so much going on in my mind The betrayal, the anger, my daughter's pain It was like me over again when my parents separated There was just so much going on, that my heart felt it was going to burst Most of all, I was so angry with the other woman, I felt violated How could someone just so easily break up my family? I was so angry I couldn't sleep at night I had no peace And I felt like writing her name all over the walls of the streets where she lived Her name and, under it, in big bold letters, homewrecker Yes, and that's not all I wanted to go on television and tell whole world About this woman who wouldn't have a conscious But, one evening, I told one of my good friends And she said, "Kuh Ledesma, you will not do such a thing You're a better person than that" Well, it was a good thing I listened Because I wouldn't have wanted that to be a part of my life Specially that I'm now with Jesus Later on, I realized that I too was a sinner And all of us are guilty of something Then, as I read scriptures, the Lord showed me a verse in Mark 11:25 Whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone Forgive him, that your Father in Heaven may also forgive you your trespasses And because it was clear to me that sin separates us from God I knew I needed His help in the area of forgiveness Specially with the other woman And because I was praying for restoration in my marriage I also didn't want any hindrances to my prayers Because James 5:16 says The prayer of the righteous man is powerful and effective And that appealed to me a lot After weeks of praying, I felt like a thorn was pulled from my chest Well, forgiveness seemed easy until I saw Matthew 5:44 Love your enemies Oh, Lord, that was so difficult for me I asked God to help me love her And I even imagined embracing her I prayed that I would have compassion for her I realized that she did what she did because she didn't have a relationship with God Isabella now started praying for her salvation God kept reminding me who am I not to forgive Knowing that Christ died for me when I was still a sinner Besides, as I kept holding on to my anger, my pain continued And I was only hurting myself I couldn't function the next day, because I felt no joy All in all, I know now that part of God's perfect plan Was to also expose my sins to me Learning to forgive had to come from someone I deeply loved that hurt me so badly My obedience to God's word And my willingness to forgive Started my healing process