I have to be a waitress
How else does the world come to me?
Everyone has hunger, everyone wants to eat and I serve them
I get intoxicated by giving service
It becomes theatrical and I feel like I'm on stage
There's some as don't care
When they put down the plate, there's a sound
Not with me
When they move a chair
It will scrape with a grate on the ground
Not with me
I will have my hand right when I place a glass
Notice how I stand right as customers pass
Serve a Demi-Tasse with a gesture so gentle
Or do it again till
It's near oriental
La, La-La La La, La La
It's an art, It's an art
To be a fine waitress
To see that you pleasure each guest
There's a twist to my wrist
When I bring your steak in
And watch how I take in
Your liver and bacon
It all needs to be stylish and smart
That's what makes it an art
I remember one day
As I do now and then, I had shakes
Down I went
There with my tray
Full of coffees and cordials and cakes
Down I went
But I kept my poise - Not one guest heard me fall
Never made a noise, not one noise, food and all
If you have to crawl, you can give 'em what they like
You carry your tray like
It's almost ballet like
La, La La La-La La La, La La La
It's an art, It's an art
To be a fine waitress
Each evening I treasure the test
Like tonight was a fight
'Cause they hired this busboy
This clothes-all-a-muss-boy
And guests heard him cuss - boy
Did we have a quick "Heart-To-Heart"!
Even that is an art
Tips! Ha!
Tips are important to people like captains and barmen
For them, it's a tip, see?
For me, I'm a gypsy
Just toss me a coin and I suddenly feel like I'm Carmen!
So on through the ulcer
The backache, the hot sweaty feet
On you go
Through "Is your knife dull sir?"
And "Madam wants what with her meat?"
On you go
Two A.M. Approaches, the curtains descend
There among the roaches, my acts at an end
Every night I tend to find myself crying
There's no work so trying
Or so satisfying
I tell everyone I'm a waitress and I'm proud
When someone comes up to me and says
"Hey, you're terrific! How come you're just
A waitress?"
You know what I say to them?
I say, "Why? Don't you think you deserve to be
Served by me?"
It's an art (Miss!)
It's an art (Miss!)
To be a great waitress (Please take care of this)
To do without leisure or rest (Could we have a check, please?)
So I zoom (Miss)
Through the room (Please)
With a flair no one else has (Bring some more of these)
An air no one else has
I swear no one else has
My lilt (Miss)
When I say (Miss)
"A La Carte" (And another order to go)
You can see it gives me a glow (My plate, Miss, My cup, miss)
Every time I prove I'm a pro (I'm late, Miss, Hurry up, Miss)
Maybe I'm not quite (Miss!)
Michelangelo
(And a bag for my dog)
But I'm not just a waitress
(You were great)
I'm a one- (But I'm late)
Woman
Show
(My check please, My change please, Come on, Please, Lady, Let's go!)
