It's a Good Thing We Get Paid to Do This

Mark: " It's a good thing we get paid to do this. I could be in L. A., getting reamed, listening to an Elton John album." Howard: " Don't even talk about getting reamed. Listen, I've been without female companionship for so long, a career as a Jesuit monk looks inviting, Ian is starting to look good to me." George: " Must be his green velour socks!" Jeff: " You just calm down there, Duke. Mark: " Ever since you left the jazz world to seek fame and fortune in the rock & roll industry . . . " Jeff: " What do you mean rock & roll? This fucking band doesn't even play rock & roll, it's all that comedy crap!!" Ian: " If we played any rock & roll we might make some money. I wouldn't mind playing some rock & roll, uh, I like classical music too, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy playing rock & roll. I mean, it's not very challenging, intellectually, but I wouldn't mind if we did some rock & roll. We could vote on it." Jeff: " Vote on it? For what? To tell Zappa we want to play some good music instead of this comedy shit . . .?" Aynsley: " I wouldn't mind playing some rock & roll, a bit more commercial, with sort of heavy four part harmony, group vocals and a very heavy beat, that the kids could enjoy. I think we'd definitely make more money that way." Ian: " Maybe after we finish the movie we could play more rock & roll." Mark: " Yeah! We could all quit and form other groups and play more rock & roll." Jeff: " And more blues, extended blues, blues but still down and funky, even though you extended it. George knows what I'm talking about, don't you, George?." George: " Leave me out of this. I come from the jazz world and I know all about these groups that get formed and disappear, with their extensions waving in the moonlight." Mark: " You just calm down there, Duke." Jeff: " Maybe we could all form a group, we could elect a leader . . . Howard . . . We could call it Howard Kaylan World." Ian: " We wouldn't have to have any leader." Jeff: " We could just jam a lot." Aynsley: " But it would have to have a really heavy beat and be really commercial so the kids could enjoy it." Howard: " I wanna get laid! I am so horny I can't stand it!" Jeff: " Listen, if you think for a minute anybody likes this comedy music we've been playing you're crazy. That's why you don't get laid, who wants to fuck a comedian! None of these girls can take you seriously." Mark: " Hang on, you should be careful talking about that kind of stuff." Jeff: " Why? Does he listen?" Ian: " He always listens. He's always watching and listening to all the guys in the band. I've been in the band for years and I know, he always listens, believe me." Jeff: " That's how he gets his material. He listens to us being natural, friendly, humorous and good-natured, then he rips us off, sneaks off into a secret room someplace and boils it in ammonia, and gets it perverted. Then he brings it back to us at a rehearsal and makes us play it." Ian: " I've been in the group for years and let me tell you that is exactly, that is precisely what he does: He steals all his material." Mark: " And the stuff he doesn't steal, Murray Roman writes for him. Listen, without us he'd be nothing!"