The Naming of Cats

The naming of cats is a difficult matter It isn't just one of your holiday games You may think at first, I'm as mad as a hatter When I tell you a cat must have three different names First of all, there's the name that the family use daily Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey But all of them are sensible, everyday names There are fancier names, if you think they sound sweeter Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter But all of them sensible, everyday names But I tell you, a cat needs a name that's particular A name that's peculiar and more dignified Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular? Or spread out his whiskers or cherish his pride? Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo or Coricopat Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum Names that never belong to more than one cat But above and beyond there's still one name left over And that is the name that you will never guess The name that no human research can discover But the cat himself knows and will never confess When you notice a cat in profound meditation The reason, I tell you, is always the same His mind is engaged in rapt contemplation Of the thought, of the thought Of the thought of his name His ineffable, effable, effanineffable Deep and inscrutable singular name Name, name, name, name, name, name