My Cheeks Are Decreasing in Size

I wake up in a bar No idea how I got there Sitting next to three guys I've never met in my life They don't seem to notice As I join in their replies But something facial feels weird Something feels smaller and light Look in the mirror and gasp My cheeks are decreasing in size No I know this can't be right They were much fuller this morning Maybe it's just this light Maybe it's just a warning That I've had one drink too many Maybe it's just my sight 'Cause that fat chick in the corner The one I swore I'd never touch Is starting to look tempting A little bit but not that much Small cheeks ain't gonna stop me So I order another Bud Light By now that fat chick and me Are exchanging constant eyes Keep that booze a-coming 'tender It's still early in the night And my cheeks are still to big Gonna drink 'em to a smaller size 'Bout now is when I realize Fat chick wasn't a chick at all But rather the head of a mountain lion Stuffed and mounted on the wall Now I'm out of prospects And it's about time for last call Gotta get just one last drink Look at my cheeks, whoa that's small In an act of desperation I go and hit the dancefloor In a fact of precipitation The Earth recycles it for more Try to bust more grooves than I got While others just try to ignore me But it proves all for naught 'Cause everyone's just ignoring me I finally decide to call it a night And I say goodbye to my new friends Whistle for a cab in mid-flight And drunkenly stoop to new lows That's when the driver looks in the mirror And gasps, too horrified to speak "Oh my God" he starts to say "What on Earth happened to your cheeks" Sure enough I got my wish It was just as I anticipated I looked in the mirror and smiled My cheeks had evaporated I made a mental note To keep it in my head Then I paid the driver 12 schillings And disappeared into the wind