Broken Dream

It's February 2016 I'm 'bout to open for Lady Leshurr at Gramercy Theater Was booked by Christian, and he picked me And if you asked me then, I never guessed he would diss me Before we talk about the show, I should tell you how I know Christian I met him briefly through Matty Know Matty through Matthew Henderson Me and Hendoe go back, because he used to send me linen Grew closer more than the business, but hold up, let me begin this shit I'm 'bout to hit the stage, and I got Nick for my DJ But really he don't DJ, he just play stop replay But fuck it, that's my brother Held it down like no one other Gave 'em word to do his verse when he emerged the song cut Fuck Still rocked the whole crowd, we tour down the stage Hopped off the tenth cloud and back on the chase Now months later, me and Christian getting shaky He telling me to stall, but I'm tryna drop Macy's He said that it could go if I just change a couple things But in spite of the game I dropped it anyway Check my phone, got mail today Brad and Josh from APA, a booking agency They noticed me and wanna conversate So I took the call, loved it all, brought it back to Christian He said that they won't get me, so I might as well forget them And Matty told me, "Do it", but he still in tune with Christian And Hendoe said he with it, "Only do it if you feel it" Now they constantly hitting me about the moves that I should make All the while, I'm losing focus, 'cause I'm working on the tape So I shut it all down, I won't take a call now Once I'm done with all these songs, I guess we'll see who's still round I dropped the tape, and two days later, I got word from Brad He said he loved it, we should link to me, that doesn't sound bad 4:30 at Ruth's Chris, we ordered barbeque shrimp Sharing through conversations 'bout our problem as kids And even Christian came up, and maybe this was made up But I was told that Christian said he'll make me do what he wants From that moment, he was a dub I got no time if you ain't acting right Shook with Brad and Josh, and now I'm rolling with the Acolytes A month prior, got a DM on the 'gram He said his name is Scott, he tours with Portugal. The Man Also managed the stage when I opened for Lady Leshurr I did that show through the motion and turned him to a believer Crazy He said they're playing the Bowery next month And "You do what you want, but I think you should open up" And I didn't know who they were Like I never heard a song, but I thought 'bout potential fans So of course, I'm down to perform A week before the tape, damn, this works out great No word from Nick, but I got X to do the play stop play I'm asking Scott at soundcheck, how many songs do we got He told me, "You just do your thing know, you gon' fuck up the spot" And, yeah, we did it Back on the tenth cloud where I'm living Getting praise from the band, this was never part of my vision I say, "Thank you" to Scott They killed the set that I watched Then me and X hop on the four, we heading back to the block 'Bout a week after the tape dropped, on call with Brad and Josh Conversing on where we take this and problems that we could dodge And I briefly mentioned opening for Portugal. The Man Got a double take from Josh "Wait, Portugal. The Man?" I fucking love those guys, and you ain't tell us homie why I know their booking agent We could help you build upon the vibe But I shrugged it off 'Cause it was nothing lost But I guess none of this happens if they ain't get involved I thank 'em for it Email from Brad and Josh, they asking about my availablity Ain't expect a tour, this is nothing more than some serendipitee But I'm still moving cautious We ain't exempt from losses Email from Brad and Josh, "Congrats dog, we got an offer" Oh, shit, it's really happening I hit up Hendoe, this the shit we was really imagining Let him plan the whole trip, 'cause he really was passionate Plus, my dollars ain't shit, so he really was backing it Since the quote was looking nice, we decided to buy some lights Tryna give the folks a show, not just babbling on the mic And it is a rock show, let's bring Derek up on the road He's a drummer from Matt's city, he's with it that's a go I hit my man J, hart see if he down to turn tables He said he's with it long as I don't have to play stop play you Next, I hit X to get behind the lens was his major, this is major So, of course, he said "Yes" Now the lights become a plight if we don't got someone to work it Matt told me Evan's with it, Hendoe told me that he's worth it Last, my dog, Kaveh, that's the BeenDope merchant At the show, you gotta see him for a BeenDope purchase Yeah We got the team together, everything seems together We worked the budget out, so everybody eats together Not to mention, all the merch projections, twenty nine cities Thirty k' is what we expected Started tour life, wonder what is tour like If your crew does not become your fam, then you ain't tour right Six up in the telly, those were sleeping on the floor night Can't afford the telly, those sleeping in the Ford nights So worth it And since we opened, didn't always draw a crowd Stateline was twenty people, other nights was two thou' No matter the situation, gave it everything I got 'Member my mic cut at the Bahia, I yelled up in the spot Wild times, that was the night that Derek almost died Sick as shit, he hit the stage and somehow came alive Never told him, but I admire him for it Most would abort with all of the Tribulations and the trials of us touring Locked the keys in the van No AC in the van And it died overnight, we need a leap for the van All of this for thirty mins and v with the band Killed the set at every show, and now they tweet in demand Now we driving back from Texas San Antonio, the last show Two days in the ford, so I'm sore, but I'm backing home And if you asking if I'd do it again The answer's yes, but I just hate how it ends Back to basics Back in stations They don't know I'm back from greatness Will I make it headline stages Maybe I'm just backup blazing Back to hoping Back and broken Back and got no racks to show 'em Back, I hate it Back, I'm chasing Back, and I can't black, I aided Uh I think I fucked up How I end up broke, I was just twenty thousand bucks up? How I stay afloat if I say no to work and won't budge? How I tell my bros that all them dollars promised won't come? Can't be this stupid Candidly foolish Hope we still good, but know relationships can be in ruins If I was X, I'd probably hate me Them dollars sounded like safety Gone a month and got nothing Ay, what I'm s'pose to tell this lady, bro? Really? And I sit here feeling guilty Conversations with my mirror said he know one day, he'll kill me But I'm running, and I'm back on edge "Fuck your feelings", words from Oliver We back on bread Now I got dollars, they walk for me I got dollars, they talk for me I got dollars, they calling me I got dollars they offing me Oftenly offer me off the leash to alter to it all for me I get benji, but they bend me Never thought what it's costing me Losing peace of mind, and lately, since I got it, give a piece of mine If roles were switched, I would get nothing but a peace, I'm fine I'm still afloat, but I got fire all around me Where the fuck I'm s'pose to go when all this fire tryna drown me? Got a new email Brad, just told me that he's leaving Josh just hit me said he got me Why the fuck did I believe him? Did that show in Albuquerque, got some bread for APA I hit Josh about the payment, he suddenly MIA Matt just told me that he leaving How the fuck my brother gone? I don't really know the reason, I just know them niggas wrong Money come and go, I'm broke again Back to losing hope again Death been tryna save me, so I'm reaching for the rope again I can't reach