Growing Up

Fifth grade was a big year for me I noticed girls who noticed me Mom was den chief, Dad played taxi singing "Leader of the Band." Then Dad fucked this girl religiously, Handpicked from the handbell society. Mom left pissed off, I dyed my hair green, and auditioned for a show. I was growing up Learning how to swear in Jesus' name. Growing up. Forced to understand what I can't, And still the last one picked in every kickball game. First came a role in Hello Dolly. What next? Homosexuality? Mom brought flowers, Dad was busy though he lived a mile away. The rest of high school's a blur to me. I noticed girls didn't notice me. Mom had self-help, Dad should get some, And I needed to get laid. I was growing up. Learning that "I love you" doesn't mean shit. Growing up. Forced to pretend I'm alright, And acting like my father, And hating myself for it. Next came a B.F.A. degree. I found drinking. No. Drinking found me. Painful dating, and graduating, In debt, and unemployed. Then Dad called unexpectedly With excuses to recite to me. Blame his father, blamed his childhood, And I laughed. And I hung up the phone. And I refused to cry. And I let it go. Swinging from my family tree, I climb and find myself part of a brilliant legacy Of men who never forgave, men who won't forget, And never measure up. With all that's come before, And all that's left to sing, My dad is still my dad, And I wouldn't change a thing Growing up.