It's So Hard (feat. Lynx)

Yo, I go by the name of Dubious Thoughts I feel like sometimes, I hide behind my shell Like I was bound for hell but, I got a story to tell Cuz my soul was up for sale Here me out This is my testimony I got multiple identities Jesus help me please Split personality, sinful by nature but saved at 23 Now lemme break down my life diary Multi cultural family with a racist white daddy How dat happen I was brought up by some real G's They weren't crips They wore R-E-D B-L-Double O-D Norties My nephews and niece Taught me all the tricks from nollies and fakies Showed me all rappers from Spice to Woodie Extreme to Mac Dreezy King Nicky and RBL posse Too Sheezy I grew up on the edge of the stack, we owned a 79 Cadillac Posted in the Sac Sacramento Wasn't poor wasn't rich but always wanted more My dad always told me I would sore, sore My dad always told me I would sore, told me I would sore Til he was caught in the fire I was rocked to the core as a sophomore So I turned to the things gave me relief Money drugs and materials things 79 Cadillac pops put me in the back Look left look right head low through The Stack In the 79 Cadillac, head low through The Stack But it didn't last it once I turned 18, glitter and bling Change the whole the scene Christmas Eve night with my moms man Mike Talkin shit bout my dad so we started to fight Broke my hand on his face he looked like Mr. T from Rocky 3 he start to bleed Never saw him again Start to get my life together Birds of a feather flock together Got me a sales job you ever heard of Vector Taught me how to spit game like I'm at the Rucka Slangin' knives on the drop of dime Imma get mines Three months later made 15 G's Not bad without a college degree I'm only 19 pro skatin' was the dream Sponsored by Mugillikuty Tryna make a name for myself put food up on my mommas shelf She couldn't help herself She was strung out speed and meth I guess I didn't grow up like the rest but she always did her best Mom's on cloud 9, 19 I'm gettin' mine Paper stackin' blue faces faith showed right on time Right on time Faith done showed up right one time Cuz I'm 19 gettin' mine I need to move out so I moved to my buddies house Kicked it everyday and got cottonmouth Learned how to eat a girl out Life hit me like a ton of bricks I hadn't saved shit Gotta move back with my moms With no lights on no heat on no water on all the food is gone Stole the neighbors newspaper just to stay warm My homie comes over and wraps me in his arms Dude what are you doin' you look like a bum You're not skating or havin' any fun My life was a mess, nothing to live for Nothing but a ruin Come n' meet my girlfriend He said pick you up tomorrow when you wake up from ya bed What've I got to loose except my birthday blues I'll set aside the boose avoid ending up on the evening news So I cut my evening short with the fashion models I support I'll come meet your girlfriend and avoid the kangaroo court Down low gutter bound weight tryna keep me down Pull me up dust me off lost I'm about to drown Bout to drown And I'm lost I'm about to drown Cuz I'm down low gutter bound Little did I know he was tryna save my soul Told me we gon' go to Redwood Chapel I didn't wanna go, so I slammed the do' in 4 do' Ford Foc Went home took some notes Plotted and schemed try to prove the pastor wrong But by the end of the worship song I'm singing along What the hell is going on I had questions to be asked Like what do you do with the rejects and the worst outcasts He asked me kindly can I take off my mask As he put a mirror in front of me and said Funny you should ask So I had to do the math He was talking bout me he said the Lord has forgiven thee He loves you til' eternity he died for you on a tree He'll see you through the storm Count it pure joy my bro when you encounter trials in different forms Knowing that the testing of your faith Helps produce endurance as you run the race Let endurance make you perfect There's a lot more to learn yet But he will never let you down you can bet Thank you Kory Brian and Jeff I don't know where my soul would be Had it not been for you three So hard on my own God's plan saved my soul Boy showed up right on time now I'm on my shine Cuz my boy showed up right on time And now I'm on my shine On my shine on my shine Cuz I'm on my shine And I'm on my shine Cuz I'm on my shine Cuz I'm on my shine