Safe&Uncomfortable

Twisting my hands like I'm twisting my hair like I'm twisting my body Twisting my mind cuz I can't stop the thoughts that set off my anxiety Safe in this moment I'm safe in my house am I safe in my head? Don't act no don't speak no don't fall out of line am I better off dead Find comfort in routine find comfort in normal find comfort in you But comfort is fleeting I can't stop this feeling no matter what I do Can't make a decision can't stop our division we're falling apart Too many choices and too many voices I don't know where to start I'm safe and uncomfortable with you Perpetuate the lie that everything's fine I'm used to our life of deceit I want to break away But I can hardly breathe Go over my plan I go over escape I'm convinced that I'm ready But I can't pull the trigger I can't find a way it's just too fucking scary I lie to myself and I lie to my friends I say everything's fine They don't want to know and I don't want to tell them I'm dying inside Can't live up to your standards live up to my own I'm a failure it's true But I don't want to give you yet another reason to play me the fool Twisting my hands like I'm twisting my face like I'm twisting my heart Twisting myself into somebody else just to play the part I'm safe and uncomfortable with you Perpetuate the lie that everything's fine I'm used to our life of deceit I want to break away But I can hardly breathe Safe and uncomfortable Our demise It took me so long To realize Just what we had become Strangers that share a home Share a lie And keep the truth From the daylight But now I see See the faults with my ways The way I justified those hurt filled days The way I put the guilt on myself The way that I should not have felt But now I've caught a glimpse of the truth You keep up your spin, but it's no use You've given yourself away And there's nothing that you can say That would change the things that you've done Apologies too late, you've become All the things I hate in myself And you're dragging us both through hell You're all the things I hate in myself And now I'm stuck in this personal hell