You Need an Analyst, A Psychoanalyst

If you're always stealing goodies from a big department store You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst If your pocket's full of little things you've never owned before You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst If somebody says, "Good Morning" and politely tips his hat And you frown and say, "I wonder what he really meant by that" If you're walking down the sidewalk and you won't step on a crack You're afraid if you step on a crack, you'll break your mother's back If you're at the philharmonic and you start to do the twist You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst You need an analyst, you need an analyst We really must insist that you see an analyst If you're freezing or you're sweating from imaginary ills You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst If it takes an IBM machine to classify your pills You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst If you tiptoe into bed and you're as quiet as a mouse But the bed you tiptoe into is in someone else's house If you have a brand new raincoat and of it you're very fond In fact, you'd rather be alone with it than with a blond If you wear your wristwatch on your feet and stockings on your wrist You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst You need an analyst, you need an analyst We really must insist that you see an analyst If you're always tearing paper into teeny weeny bits You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst If you've got a secret closet full of pomegranate pits You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst If they ask you what your name is and you answer Bonaparte If you dig those daffy doodles that are known as modern art If you're walking down the street and then you stop to tie your shoes And you tie them to each other as you hum Saint Louis blues Or if you're forty-six years old and never have been kissed Go kiss an analyst, a psychoanalyst Go kiss an analyst, go kiss an analyst We really must insist that you kiss an analyst If you're always having arguments when no one else is there You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst And whenever you are angry, if you kick your teddy bear You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst If you dream you've got a purple dragon next to you in bed And you wake up and your dragon isn't purple, it is red If you eat those little prizes and you save the crackerjacks If you really think they're ever gonna cut the income tax You need an analyst You need, I need He needs, we need Everybody needs an analyst