Ruined Me

I made promises I couldn't keep When I really should've been asleep And you will always hold those against me You knew I couldn't handle this But you didn't wanna lemme quit As if you were entitled to me I'd sit and listen to you ramble on For hours, I will play along Tryna be the best for you Always bite my tongue and hold my breath I'd build you up at my expense Thought that's what I was supposed to do Now I drive by you in the parking lot Saw you and my heart stopped And you wanna wave and say hi, like everything's fine But it's not Foot is shaking on the paddle Thought if I didn't think about it somehow it would get better But it's not better Well it's just my luck It's been months and I'm still stuck Do you know how bad you messed me up? And I've been trying to find it in my heart To forget about it and restart But it's deeper than an apology you'll never say to me You ruined me Convince me that I need your help Losing my faith, losing myself You tell me that I don't know what I'm doing Taking me down so low just to prove yourself Doing things I didn't want to 'Cause I never wanna disappoint you Second guessing everything that I think Everything that I do Change your mind all the time Say something's fine Then suddenly it's not alright Keep it all inside You say you'd do anything to avoid a fight I hope you know I gave you everything I told you things, yeah, I let you in I guess I did it all just for you to go and make a mess of me Well it's just my luck It's been months and I'm still stuck Do you know how bad you messed me up? And I've been trying to find it in my heart To forget about it and restart But it's deeper than an apology you'll never say to me You ruined me See your face, hear your name, then you text me again It's driving me crazy, I need this to end Don't know what is real and what's just in my head Try to move on but I just can't forget All the manipulations, all the game playing All the blame, all the shame, miscommunications The plans, all the schemes, the "what does he really mean?"'s Am I crazy? Am I stupid? Is it true what he thinks? Is it true what he thinks of me? Is it true what he says about me? Am I so terrible? Am I crazy? Well it's just my luck It's been months and I'm still stuck Can we forget that we were ever in love? 'Cause I can't look at another guy Without feeling terrified I've started going back to therapy 'Cause you ruined me You ruined me You ruined me I'll never go back to being me 'Cause you ruined me