Gossip Talkin' Blues

She's the reigning queen of "how ya been?" She's got the gossip talkin' blues She'll photocopy her friends' lives and pass one on to you And how do you think that I found out that Henry needs new shoes? But I'm convinced that she could find something better to do I don't know what I was thinking or what was on my mind I must've been preoccupied, or wiping my behind And she never ceases to blow me away with the secrets that she finds But I'm convinced that she could do something better with her time I don't give a damn Well, he's the reigning king of "the latest thing" And he'll document your life To everybody and their mother and even the neighbour's wife And when the story gets back to you it's fiction with a knife And the subjects' names have not been changed to protect the subjects' life Well I don't know what he was thinking or what was on his mind Obviously not a lot or he'd have taken more time And now I'll have to kill him in some way that ain't sublime Yeah, one less gossip in the world, sure that'd suit me fine Damn you, damn you, damn you all to hell Dead men never tell Well you can't believe what they tell you when you're young And you can't believe what they tell you when you're old And you can't believe what they say about you when you're gone Not much of a conversation left to hold But Sunday morning in the church they'll catch up on the news There's a murmur in the flock, but there's a reason they're called pews 'Cause something smells kinda' fishy with the local holy plan And I can only thank the Lord that I don't give a damn