I'm Not Okay

Who can I call when I'm low Whenever I'm feeling broken Who can I call when I'm lost Whenever i'm feeling hopeless Feels like you left when I needed you most And To tell you the truth I can't do this alone I wanted this year to be more about growth But I guess you don't get what you plan for Or maybe you do it's just not what you planned for Maybe I should have planned for Cause I'm not okay with this Blocking these punches Somehow I'm still taking hits See you took a part of me Don't think I'm forgetting it Please don't make this hard for me Or yell cause I vented this Don't tell me it's fake There's no way I invented this Emotions have surfaced and there's no preventing them If you never cared then why'd you pretend you did I'm sick of pretending in this game of love that everyone benefits That's just not the case Don't say it's okay Cause everyone i've ever loved's (has) went away And too many relate to the feeling of fear See not being able to trust what you hear Makes you distance yourself Now when people come near you You put on a face Like everything's great You give em a smile And try to pretend like you ain't been running for miles But here let me guess You lost everything, but you gave it your best I know I seem far away I don't know what I can say But I know I'm not okay Cause I know I'll never change I know I'm starting to lose faith In people I believe in I really cant believe it Why do I have faith that theres people to believe in? Really scared to love Because everybody leaving me to deal with all these issues that I got Maybe I'm to blame I can't help but overthink All I do is sabatoge Everything I ever had is everything I ever lost I can't help but stop and wonder if you listen to these songs And if you ever hear em then how come you never call? I hope you doing well I hope you doing fine Think I'm starting to get better At writing all these rhymes I made a choice to let you down and I'm sorry that it hurts Finally put myself first for the first time If they ask how i'm doing say i'm alright Just don't tell em the truth That I'm broken inside And I'm missing you I think I finally realized maybe it wasn't you You just a product of your past See we don't get to choose But who you fall in love with gotta be up to you Make sure that who they are makes you comfortable Make sure both of you are rooted at the core Cause if you wanting two things then you gone die for sure And then your life of making memories is turning short And if you gotta turn Then make sure that it's for certain what you're turning for Cause you can't turn around And ain't no coming back Cause once you break a heart Ain't no replacing that Now you can post pone the grief or you can face the facts They say to take a look around There's plenty of fish in the ocean But that don't work for me cause you the only one I ever noticed And I wish that I could change But I can't it's got me thinking things will never be the same Everyday it's gonna rain I wont ever see your face Will I ever be okay? I don't know