Ocean Song

I'm claustrophobic Scared to keep you close You say you notice when it rains I'm never home I chased rainbows for a while Till it took my smile And I closed my eyes Try to make things right But these things take time My optimism at a full time low Running out of hope and gas Cracking jokes but I never laugh Wish I could get the good times back Kicking back while I kick myself Remember days when all I wanted was to kill myself? Sheesh Up late counting sheep Steep valleys under monster peaks Peace fading while the beat goes slow Pray, father don't let me overdose Need some help 'fore I lose my soul Jesus take away the pain or take control Anxiety keeping me drifting I pray for forgiveness I hope to set the record straight Love myself despite my own self-hate Hope I'll be okay After all these violent thoughts All these hours, all these outbursts I turn the lights off Try to focus on this ocean Feel the steady rock Try to get away from this dangerous head space I'm in I push you away but I want you to stay I'm so confused I can't give you the blame You do more than enough To show me that I'm loved But it scares me to think that our minds never stay the same Cuz one day I'm up One week I'm down One year you're here The next, you're not around I can't rely on feeling good When I've got all these eyes on my Inability to process what's depressing me It's stressing me out It's weighing me down So I take to the Sea Try to figure it out I get lost in the Sea Feels like I'm starting to drown After all these violent thoughts All these hours, all these outbursts I turn the lights off Try to focus on this ocean Feel the steady Rock Try to get away from this dangerous head space I'm in