Everything You Need To Know About Me Today

I don't know when I started to feel so old I don't know why I'm here, and maybe I won't Or why God lets me live in this beautiful world While others die While others die I grew up right here on this little street So why does it feel unfamiliar to me? And why can't I seem to fit into the world? No matter where I go No matter where I go The last time I smoked weed was ages ago I get paranoid, so I won't anymore But I'd smoke out of apples on my patio In my underwear I burnt my hair I don't know where I go when I can't be present Or why I feel like dyin' every now and then I know there are scars that are just permanent But I'm still so young I'm still so young When I lost my grandmother, I lost myself I'm wearing the ring that she gave me, it helps But I swear to God, I can't feel her no more And it breaks my heart It breaks my heart I moved to New York with my best friend A shitty apartment and we shared a bed I hope that she found out who she was then 'Cause I still can't Tell you who I am I hate every tattoo I got on myself I feel like I got them for somebody else You can get them removed, so I might as well I can start over I can start over Sometimes I starve myself when I'm alone I wanna be thinner in all of my clothes But mostly I just wanna love myself, so I'll try to stop I'll try to stop I look up to my father like he'll never know He gave me a beautiful life as lives go Won't amount to half the man he is, I suppose But he taught me of God He taught me of God I met the man of my dreams after all We'll marry each other and kids won't be long I've always been scared to be somebody's mom But I'm changin' my mind I'm changin' my mind I can't remember what I wanted out of my life Always wanted to be somethin' more than a wife When I was a kid with some innocent eyes Before I'd seen The things I've seen My papa told me that he has his regrets He wouldn't change anything that he's done yet He wouldn't even unsmoke one cigarette And I believe him And I don't believe him Nothing I sing even matters, I bet A lot of artists can say things that I've said I can list 25 at the top of my head Better than me Better than me But I came really far, yeah, whatever that means And you'd look at me and think, "I got my dreams" But I can't tell you what, for the life of me I even wanted I even wanted But life is what you make it And love is what you make it And pain is how you take it And youth is what you make it So age is what you make it And fate is what you make it And life is what you make it