Take Me to the Fair

Sir Dinadan! Your Majesty? Do you recall the other night That I distinctly said you might Serve as my escort at the next town fair? Well, I'm afraid there's someone who I must invite in place of you Someone who plainly is beyond compare The Frenchman's power is more tremendous Than I have e'er seen anywhere And when a man is that stupendous He by right should take me to the fair Your Majesty, let me tilt with him and smite him Don't refuse me so abruptly, I implore Or give me the opportunity to fight him And Gaul will be divided once more! You'll bash him and thrash him? I'll smash him and mash him! You'll give him trouble? Ooh, he will be rubble! A mighty whack? His skull will crack! Then you may take me to the fair If you do all the things you promise In fact, my heart will break Should you not take me to the fair! Sir Sagamore? Yes, Your Majesty I have some rather painful news Relative to the subject who's To be beside me at the next court ball You were the chosen one, I know But it's tradition it should go To the unquestioned champion in the hall And I'm convinced that splendid Frenchman Can easily conquer one and all And besting all our local henchman, he Should sit beside me at the ball I beg of you, ma'am Withhold your invitation I swear to you the challenge will be met! And when I have finished up the operation I'll serve him to Your Highness en brochette You'll pierce right through him? I'll barbecue him! A wicked thrust? 'Twill be dust to dust! From fore to aft? He'll feel a draft Well then You may sit by me at the ball If you demolish him in battle In fact, I know I'd cry Were you not by me at the ball Sir Lionel Ma'am? Didn't I promise that you may Guide me to London on the day That I go up to judge the cattle show? As it is quite a nasty ride There must someone at my side Who'll be defending me from beast and foe So when I choose who I prefer go I take the strongest knight I know And young du Lac seems strongest; ergo He should take me to the cattle show Your Majesty can't believe this blustering prattle Let him prove it with a sword or lance instead I promise you, when I'm done this Gaul in battle His shoulders will be lonesome for his head You'll disconnect him? I'll vivisect him You'll open-wide him? I'll subdivide him Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear! Then you may guide me to the show If you can carry out your program In fact, I'd grieve inside should you not guide me to the show! Milady, we shall put an end to That Gallic bag of noise and nerve When we do all that we intend to He'll be a plate of French hors d'ouevres I do applaud your noble goals Now let us see if you achieve them And if you do, then you will be the three Who will go to the ball, to the show And take me to the fair