What's Crazy

Not much that I'm not tougher than But stuck again Mental health is suffering Probably need prescriptions But you know you can't discuss it when You came up in the projects Where we was taught to ride it out And hide emotions Before mama give us something to cry about That's what we getting high about Shxt happened in my house My Pappy wasn't happy He blew his phucking mind out My grandma still lying 'bout The cause of his passing I guess she'd rather have a dead son Than one that's a faggot Still got some shxt I'ma unpackage Should phucking spit in your casket Just learn some shxt bout your passing And it's hard forgiving you Daddy They say men that grow up with a lot of mental abuse Naturally pass it on But that ain't no phucking excuse My told me 'bout all the nights that you snuck in his room Even at family gatherings How phucking embarrassing The moments I'm cherishing just ain't hitting the same 'Cause the love that you gave me He wasn't getting the same That's why I sip through the pain Alcoholic just like you Alcoholic just like your mama This shxt is a cycle She thought toxic masculinity would mask and act as remedies How it affected me? Shxt, I could rap like 10 of these Your absence had me impressed with negus that was present Phucking, looking for acceptance Who want pxssy for affection? Now my self-esteem in question I inherited the shxt Only therapists can switch It get buried as a fix It get buried with the kicks, with a whip, with a chain With the gas, with the cash We just burying the pain Same narrative again Black people so resilient That's cause we got so accustomed Never speaking on our feelings Plus, boys don't cry And girl, you too pretty to let tears come from your eyes That's what we was taught Shxt been going on since the days that we were bought Still gotta work the field after your family ripped apart Now we self-medicating these days In the PJs My bestie shooting up Getting high and puking up She crying out for help And the fact I can't do enough Turned me to an enabler Hoping to get her stabler All this built up aggression Is bound to make me crazier Too embarrassed to seek help I can bear with it myself Shxt Organized religion got me tricking Trying to keep the faith Been here for 15 minutes And they keep passing this phucking plate Feel like I'ma suffocate Praying to white Jesus But I do it anyway Can't bite the hand that might feed you Indoctrinated They taught us this when we first populated If we was made in this image His image looking like we not related Now I'm praising something that looks nothing like me That's how they planned the shxt Keep you docile with promise of grander shit Need help understanding all this shxt that I was trained to do Wonder if my grandma met that man that she was praying to Taught to never question 'Cause it's blasphemy Gave us the Bible, took our land That shxt is sad to me So many voices in my head speaking casually But bet nobody give a phuck until they bury me And that's crazy I ain't crazy Shit, that's crazy Everything I'm dealing with lately That's enough to drive a bxtch crazy That's crazy