New Year's Freestyle

Just a trigger pull away from losing half of my family this year And if that had happened, I'm not sure I still would have been here Even at my very worst, I wasn't suicidal myself But with that added stress, my body probably would have died on itself I have been sick so much God, could we just switch it up remix my blood and stitch my cuts Give me some vintage love Instead of just simply lust and fix my trust Give me a hint of sun So I can feel lifted up, I'm sick of just Feeling my interest rust And then they infect my guts and leave me crushed Look, I don't want to sit here and complain But this year was utterly insane It felt like life suddenly quit playing And decided to come and inflict pain Every single thing that kept me stabilized All decided they'd die at the same time I don't even feel like I'm the same guy It's getting hard to fight when I'm so dang tired Resisting the devil with every ounce of strength in my body I thought that he would flee, but he always stays in the lobby Just waiting for the moment I'll pick up my Apple phone And fall for some stupid fruit I should have just left alone Maybe this year I'll find someone who actually loves me for who I am Not someone who projects onto me and perceives me as a mold they can form and then fit in their plan Someone who wants to serve God with me and wants to negotiate how we can raise up a fam Someone who loves me despite me and jumps into dangerous waters while holding my hand Maybe this year I'll find me a job I like That I don't only do for the dollar signs Maybe this year I'll read the word every night And feel Jesus can actually hear me cry Maybe this year I'll push me outside myself And learn to serve others that I can help Maybe this year can have a little mission to it And I can make some music instead of listen to it Maybe this year I'll get to connect with my church Maybe this year I'll earn the respect I deserve Maybe this year I'll learn to protect what I've learned Maybe this year I'll build back the bridges I burned Last year I fell on my face in the dirt Last year I felt out of place on this earth Last year had kept me in hell and I felt it's the place I deserved Last year I felt like I wasted it On myself and my failed relationship But this year I feel like it might just work out for the better I'm ready to paint it in Grabbing my brush and I'm combing out Every single thing that tried to hold me down With God as my compass I walk in the unknown and make something that makes you feel like you're standing on holy ground So my depression and anxiety can go to hell And if not, I'll make a symphony inside my cell It doesn't matter whatever gets thrown my way I'll make 2024 better than if I hadn't have stayed It's Jay