Language or the Kiss

I don't know if it was real or in a dream Lately waking up I'm not sure where I've been There was a table set for six and five were there I stood outside and kept my eyes upon that empty chair And there was steam on the windows from the kitchen Laughter like a language I once spoke with ease But I'm made mute by the virtue of decision I choose most of your life goes on without me Oh the fear I've known That I might reap the praise of strangers and end up on my own All I've sown was a song But maybe I was wrong I said to you the one gift which I'd adore Unwrap a package of the next 10 years unfolding But you told me if I had my way I'd be bored Right then I knew I loved you best born of your scolding When we last talked we were lying on our backs Looking up at the sky through the ceiling I used to lie like that alone out on the driveway Trying to read the greek upon the stars the alphabet of healing Oh I knew back then It was a calling that said if joy then pain The sound of the voice these years later is still the same I am alone in a hotel room tonight I squeeze the sky out but there's not a star appears Begin my studies with this paper and this pencil And I'm working through the grammar of my fears Mercy what I won't give To have the things which mean the most not to mean the things I miss Unforgiving the choice still is The language or the kiss