Miracle

My mummy says I'm a miracle My daddy says I'm his special little guy I am a princess And I am a prince Mum says I'm an angel sent down from the sky My daddy says I'm his special little soldier No one is as handsome, strong as me! It's true he indulges my tendency to bulge But I'm his little soldier! Hop, 2-4-3! My mummy says I'm a miracle One look at my face, and it's plain to see Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me! My daddy says I'm his special little soldier No one is as bold or tough as me Has my daddy told you One day when I'm older I can be a solder And shoot you in the face! One can hardly move for beauty and brilliance these days It seems that there are millions of these one-in-a-millions These days Special-ness seems de rigueur Above average is average - go figure Is it is come modern miracle of calculus That such frequent miracles don't render each one un- Miraculous My mummy says I'm a miracle One look at my face, and it's plain to see Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me! My mummy says I'm a precious barrelina She has never seen a prettier barrelina She says if I'm keen, I have to cut down on the cream But I'm a barrelina, so give me more cake! Take another photo of our angel in that costume that I made The role of tree has never been portrayed with such Convincing sway That's right, honey, look at mummy! Don't put honey on your brother Smile for mummy; smile for mother! I think she blinked Well, take another! Have you seen his school report? He got a 'C' on his Report What?! We'll have to change his school. His teacher's clearly Falling short She's just delightful So hilarious and Insightful Might she be a little brighter than the norm? I know to boys it's frightful form! My mummy says I'm a miracle One look at my face, and it's plain to see Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me! My mummy says I'm a miracle That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball You can be all cynical, but it's a trust empirical There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle as me! Look, is this gonna take much longer, doctor? I've got a plane to catch at three I'm competing in the Bi-Annual International Amateur Salsa and Ballroom Dancing Championships in Paris! You're getting on a plane, Mrs Wormwood? Oh, yeah! I've been training four hours a day for the last two years, and I can tell you one thing: If Jennifer Littleton thinks she's walking off with the coveted golden shoe this year She's got another think coming. I've got a secret weapon: Rudolpho He's part Italian, you know. Very supple. He has incredible upper-body strength I think we should have a talk So, what is it? What's wrong with me? Mrs Wormwood, do you really have no idea? Wind? Mrs Wormwood, I want you to think very carefully Now, what do you think might be the 'cause of this? Imma... Imma... uh, look, amma fat? Mrs Wormwood, you're pregnant What?!?! You're going to have a baby But I've got a baby! I don't want another one! Isn't there something you can do? You're nine months pregnant! Antibiotics or... oh, my good Lord! What about the golden shoe? A baby Mrs. Wormwood, a child, the most Precious gift the natural world can Bestow upon us has been handed to you A brand new human being, a life, a person A wonderful new person is about to come Into your life and bring you love and Magic and happiness and wonder Oow! Bloody 'ell! Every life I bring into this world restores my faith in humankind Push Mrs. Wormwood, push! I'll push you in a minute! Each new-born life, a canvas yet unpainted... This still unbroken skin... This uncorrupted mind... Every life is unbelieavbly unlikely The chances of existence Almost infinitely small The most common thing in life is life And yet every single life Every new life is a miracle! Miracle! Where is he? Where is my son? Mr Wormwood, are you smoking? What? Oh, of course doctor, what am I thinking? This calls for a proper smoke Who won? Was it Jennifer Littleton? Maybe I can get a later flight or something Mrs Wormwood, please stay where you are As I keep telling you, you are in no shape to dance the tarantella Oh, my word, he's an ugly little thing, ain't he? His is one of the most beautiful little children I've ever seen! You need glasses, mate, he looks like a prune! Oh, my good Lord, where's his thingy! What? His doo-dah. His what-dya-ma-call-it. What you done with his thingy? This child doesn't have a... "thingy", Mr Wormwood What?!? A boy with no thingy? Look what you done, you stupid woman, this boy's got no thingy! Mr Wormwood, this child is a girl. A girl! A beautiful, beautiful little girl Just put me out me misery, was it Jennifer Littleton or not? Of course it was Jennifer Littleton This is the worst day of my life! Oh, my undercarriage doesn't feel quite normal My skin looks just revolting in this foul fluorescent light And this gown is nothing like the semi-formal Semi-Spanish gown I should be wearing in the semi-finals tonight I should be dancing the tarantella Qui mon fella Italiano Not dressed in hospital cotton With a smarting front bottom And this... Horrible... Miracle! Smelly little- Miracle! Weakly little ball of fat! What the hell was that? Will someone give this thing a bottle? Or swap it for a later model? Why do bad things always happen to good people? Fine upstanding citizens like you and me? Why when we've done nothing wrong... Should this disaster come along? This horrible, weird looking... Hairy little stinky thing With no sign of a winky-ding at all Miracle, miracle, a miracle; every life's a miracle Beautiful miracle I have ever seen... I can't find his frank and beans... Every life is unbelieavbly unlikely The chances of existence, almost infinitely small The most common thing in life is life And yet every single life, every new life is a miracle! Miracle! Miracle! My mummy says I'm a miracle One look at my face, and it's plain to see Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me! My mummy says I'm a miracle That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball You can be all cynical, but it's a truth empirical There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle as... My mummy says I'm a lousy little worm My daddy says I'm a bore My mummy says I'm a jumped-up little germ That kids like me should be against the law My daddy says I should learn to shut my pie hole No one likes a smart-mouthed girl like me Mum says I'm a good case for population control Dad says I should watch more TV