My Brother

Phew! There's something funny round here What is it? Oh! It's you Come here and sit down You're gonna have the truth told about you and put on record 'Ere please don't sit too close to me, I'm just having my breakfast Thank you Who put salt in the sugar bowl? Who put fireworks in the coal? Who put a real live toad in the hole? My brother Who put jam in mother's shoe? Who made real caterpillars stew? Who locked grandad in the loo? My brother My brother said it wasn't he Who put shampoo in grandma's tea? My brother said that it was me My brother's rotten Who squeezed toothpaste round the hall? Who put soot in the baby's butts? Who drew things on the garden wall? My brother You ought to see what he drew Ah, what a surprise Nobody knew what it was really But everybody had a jolly good idea And he wrote slogans "Down with young mothers" that was one 'Cause he don't think our mum knows how to bring us up right I don't think so either You know every night when we're wide awake, she makes us go to bed And in the morning when we're fast asleep, she makes us get up Whose pet mouse made auntie shriek? Who ate glue and couldn't speak? What clever dick was sick for a week? My brother Who keeps maggots in a tin? Plays the twist on his violin Who's been gettin' at the gin? My brother He looks just like a chimney sweep But dirt they say is just skin deep I know he's good when he's asleep! But you don't know what he's dreamin' about (do ya) Who wouldn't mind if I ride his bike? Who lets me shot his gun if I like? Who says I'm best at football, ludo, snakes and ladders? Hide-and-seek, chasin' each other up and down the garden Pinchin' little girls up the high street Well, he's gotta say I'm best 'Cause I'm bigger than he is and if he don't say I'm best at everything, I'll bash him, haha My lovely, lovely brother Come on, come on mate, let's get out of here Before you fall down the hole in the middle Come on give us your hand' we're gonna wal— 'Ere what you had in your hand 'Ave ya Woo!