Phantom Limb Masturbation

It started as a child When I first sought to flirt with fate I'd lay next to the tracks with arms outstretched across the rails Daydreaming fantasizing of sparks and screeching brakes The plumes of bright red gushing iridescent in the sun Adopt a life of struggle One down three more to go Desire: amputation Leave me writhing in the limbless throes It is deficiency I crave I want so to be helpless To inferiority a slave A clump of breathing flesh Free from extremity Now replete with nothing left Disassemble me Limb from limb oh what a treat No more feeling incomplete nor Encumbered by this lie My prayer is for calamity Merciful blades to sever me Crippling Detruncating Immobile by design Majestic ancient titan Swims proudly in its tank I wish to slake its hunger Flailing my legs as bait "I finally feel complete. I am now whole" Superfluous gesture An unnecessary art Sacrificial offering Unto the gilded saw Rid me of my shame Of what I've overachieved My envy is the handicapped Lord, I beg of you, I plead I plead Wheelchairs prosthetics crutches All stimulus to me My love beyond mere fetish Call it disabling I'd waltz upon a landmine Feed digits to machines Phantom limb masturbation The only way Dissemble me Limb from limb oh what a treat No more feeling incomplete nor encumbered by this lie My prayer is for calamity Merciful blades to sever me Crippling Detruncating Immobile by design Disassemble me Piece by piece a loving feat Body image incomplete corrected by a knife My hope is for catastrophe A gangrenous limbdectomy Dismantling Dismembering Cut down to perfect size