Wallowing

Sometimes I feel crazy like I lost half of my mind Moving out of decline without a latter to climb And half of the time I feel like I'm actually fine Battling my personalities I have it in mind I have it in line Until I start to think I zoned off so long I forgot to blink Until my hands go numb and I drop my drink And the bath keeps filling while I start to sink my heart just shrinks While I drown in the tub Phone ringing but I can't hear the sound of the buzz Feeling like paradise after downing them drugs I don't think it'll kill me but I'm down if it does And as I drown in the silence The phone ringing by the sink starts sounding like a siren Heard mama's voice saying this is real life shit And boy I didn't raise you to be nothing like this You better start fighting And if you can't swing them hands little man Then you better start biting You better start breathing You've got a little brother He needs someone to look up to and to believe in You're too young to be leaving and you and the man up above ain't even Pain and regret I'm laying right between them I had ten drinks and I still haven't eaten Head keeps pounding Heart still beating Water starts bubbling as I start screaming I climbed out the tub and I started dry heaving Thinking that it's time that I sorted my demons uh I let it sink in until the moods gone I'm done feeling hollow I've been wallowing to long How can I sit and not bother to move on When I got a dream and a father to prove wrong I mean I gotta keep fighting this I made it this far after all types of shit Still haven't grown haven't had a wife and kids I mean I'm nineteen with a life to live And sometimes it gets a lot harder than this Think it's no good for you but a part of it is Don't agree please pardon me then And lord keep watching in case I fall off again.