July (Part One)

I sat down with her, and she told me her story And I told her I loved her And I just wanted to support her through her recovery And through conversations I listened And I feel like this is the best way to interpret what she told me The devil found a clever way to infiltrate and bring his manipulation A slender blonde in a cocktail dress Struggling through the intoxication Brought on by the gifting of drinks Until she was ready to pay back in the bedroom In search to appease the demons in her head On a sterile surface in the bathroom Looking into a half-cracked, half-filthy mirror Hoping she doesn't reflect that half-cracked And half-filthy receding stain of a smile her mother made when she left Because the promises she made to herself Seemed to be the hardest ones to keep And knowing she survived the last storm Was no longer all she needed to be able to fall asleep Vacant wine glasses and late night crashes symbolic of her vessel With no presentation at the palate But a spirit starving for remembrance Some sort of legacy other than her occupation 'Cause her normal skin looked like silk but had been masked by vengeance Baggage under her eyes deep within her overcompensating lies And all she saw when she gazed into the endless skies Was regret from that manipulation This life of sleeping through the static of practice For the everlasting rush she hoped for She was somewhat ecstatic but not for the first time 'Cause this was reminiscent of those times That she would have those late night drives Those moments when she would look back and say "How did I get here?" Those moments when she would look at old childhood photos and say "How did that child grow up to be like this? When did I dismiss the morals that I subscribe to? I don't know what to do" And she looks at photos of her beautiful mother in her youth And is envious of that smile she had when she was 22 And she wishes she could say the same for herself But she's living this self-perpetuated hell 'Cause she took the literal stains and the literal scars And turned them into emotional drain and then she fell apart I've never really been one For taking second chances on times that I've been broken But sometimes forgiveness needs to be put in place For someone to actually grow from these negative emotions And all that constructive use of the pain is thrown at you It's the only way that you can find refuge So I'm gonna tell you this, darling Every time you tell yourself you're not worth it Every time you tell yourself you're worthless You're being lied to And in that case, the liar is you