Mixed Messages

It's Sunday night and you're at home all alone Last night was great, it was our very first date So now it's time to pull out my phone Gonna send you somethin' real quick It ain't gonna be a dick pick, no, no Romance needs clarity But baby, that don't work for me, I'm sendin' Mixed messages Mixed messages I send the first text in a cute way (cute way) And then I don't reply for seven fuckin' days, yeah Mixed messages Mixed messages Oh, you text me what night am I free And I reply, "Yes", Full stop I send you a littlе smiley face (smiley facе) So you send me back a little smiley face (little smiley face) And then I say, "Hey," and so you write back, "Hey" And I say, "Hey what?" (Hey what?) And you say, "You said 'hey' first" And I say, "Okay (okay) 'Croissant emoji', fuck you" Mixed messages Mixed messages One second, I say you're very pretty (very pretty) And then I show up at your house and I kick your dog, yeah Mixed messages Mixed messages I pay for the dog's veterinary bills But then I punch your dad in the dick Now we're going to a hospital Just me, you, and your dad in the back of an ambulance And even with your dad's broken dick The air is thick with (sexual tension) I'm really sorry for punchin' your dad in the dick I won't do it again You make me shake his hands and promise But as I do, I ball up my other fist and I Punch your dad in the dick again (dick again) I punch your dad in his broken dick again You think I'm sexy, I'm being mysterious Sending you these weird mixed messages You say, "Stop punchin' my dad's dick" I say, "Okay," but then I wink So you grab both of my hands quick Stopping my third attempt to punch your dad's dick Oh, baby, you've played this game before Too bad, I've played a little bit more You got my both my hands, so I use my head I headbutt your dad's pants in the back of an ambulance And between the headbutts Our eyes lock as we're holding hands And we can't help but kiss over your dad's not once Twice, thrice broken dick Mixed messages Mixed messages I say I love you in a cute way And then I punch your dad's dick every day Mixed messages Mixed messages Tell your dad that I'm sorry But then punch him in his dick again (what, what, what)