Hey I Don't Work Here

Saturday morning comes and goes without too much on my mind (Except maybe lunch) I walk down to the shops just to move Feel a bit rough from last night (I may have drunk a bit too much) A lady in the supermarket approaches way too fast And her eyes are intense and she spits a little bit when she asks "Where do you keep the pasta?" "I dunno, aisle three?" "Well, can you get it for me?" I just want a Gatorade, but she rolls her eyes So I kind of lose it Hey, I don't work here And if I did, I would not sell you shit Hey, I don't work here But maybe I should That way I could hide all of the things you want from you Hey, I don't work here But if I did Would I be wearing a dirty white singlet Ya fool? Hey, I don't work here But maybe I should "Silly me, I've had the pasta all along Fuck you!" (I don't work here) (I don't work here) (Bah) Saturday arvo comes and goes and I'm feelin' pretty great I made a middle-aged woman cry today Walkin' on the hot sand of Bondi Beach I take a rest in the lifeguard tower shade My foresight readies me for melee A man runs from the surf and approaches way too fast With a bluebottle across his chest he shakes me as he asks "You've gotta save my kid!" "I can't really swim" "What kind of lifeguard are you, then?" I'm just here to take a nap But he rolls his eyes, so I kind of snap Hey, I don't work here And if I did, I would not save your kid Hey, I don't work here But maybe I should That way I could help relieve that nasty sting for you Hey, I don't work here But if I did Would I make a racecar out of sand then fall asleep Hey, I don't work here But maybe I should (maybe I should, maybe I should) "Should do what?! Save my son?!" "No, get a job" "What about my son?! He's drowning!" "Your son's fine: he just swims weird, and you shouldn't hold that against him" "Oh my God, thank you, I can't begin to— He's gone" Saturday night comes and goes without too much on my mind Just kickin' a ball down the street I give it too much juice and it flies over the fence of my local NASA compound Just bear with me Guards are all passed out It seems there's been a planned attack The alarm is blaring loud, but I'm the only one intact I try to phone for help, but unfortunately There's an alien transmitting itself to NASA's screens specifically "Give us your planet" "Okay, I don't— let me find someone, alright, just relax" "Give us your planet" "I, I, I said— okay We're under attack!" "Give us your planet" "Okay, I don't have the authority to do that" I just came to get my ball But it's been a long day So I speak for us all "Ladies and gentlemen, we are reporting live across the globe Alarming news as extraterrestrial life has issued a statement of war to Planet Earth" (war) "The alien transmission technology has left all But one individual incapacitated within the transmission receiving point A NASA space compound located in Sydney, Australia" (Australia) "The time has come, and humankind can do nothing more than pray and watch on As the diplomat for Planet Earth responds with what we can only imagine As an articulate plea for peace and mercy Hey, I don't work here And if I did I would not surrender shit Hey, I don't work here But maybe I should That way I could take a trip to Mars and strangle you Hey, I don't work here But if I did Do you think the President of Earth has a fuckin' mullet?! Hey, I don't work here But maybe I should That way I could put my planetary fist in you That way I could teach your kid to drown in front of you That way I could hide all of the linguine from you