Kiss My Mezuzah

This is the place Is it what you expected You should have seen All the ones I rejected Cozy and comfy What I humbly call home But the truth is A man shouldn't be alone Don't be confused There is nothing to decide Consider it insisted You're coming inside I want you to Kiss my mezuzah Just throw all your things on the bench Blessed are you, and oh yeah, me too You're in the home of a mensch That is the living room Is it what you expected Admittedly the upholstery Is a little bit neglected Cozy and comfy That's a sixty-inch plasma The HEPA filter's noisy But it's good for my asthma Don't be confused There is nothing to decide Consider it insisted You're coming inside I want you to Kiss my mezuzah Relax, unwind, unclench Blessed are you and, oh yeah me too You're in the living room of a mensch That is the kitchen Is it what you expected Wednesdays the whole place Gets disinfected Cozy and comfy That's granite, it's nice The line to the freezer Has a filter for the ice Don't be confused There is nothing to decide Consider it insisted Go on, go inside Remember that I want you to Kiss my mezuzah My thirst has found its quench Blessed are you and everything that you'll do Catering to the kosher culinary needs of your mensch That is the bedroom Where is done what's expected All of my biblical needs Are respected Dark velvet curtains That block out the light Just for the record I sleep on the right Don't be confused There is nothing to decide Consider it insisted We'll not yet go inside But when we do, I'm going to want you to Kiss my mezuzah Redecorate, make it French Blessed is thee, et oui, moi aussi You'll be commanded to please your mensch That is my office A little unexpected A list of conditions So both of us are protected Cozy and comfy Are things when they're working But God only knows There is danger that's lurking Don't be confused There is nothing to decide Just sign on the line Go on, just step inside Or if not, I'll just Kiss my own mezuzah I'm resilient, I can always retrench Blessed am I, for always standing by The needs of this fine, available, attractive, Secure, well-rounded, intelligent, lonely mensch